Journal of an Anonymous

Hey the new site builder came out. Cool.

Anyway! How are you all doing? I haven't made a video in a week! I feel like such a jerk! Ha!

Let me update you on how I am.

May 1 2013, Went to the police. Crazy ex-gf still had my phone number on her phone after she had the childish nerve harass my gf and pretend she wasn't jealous. I know she told my friend that her boyfriend wasn't paying any mind to her and she was upset. She hated seeing me with another women as she wouldn't let me.

Now the police ordered her to keep away. Deptford Day. Its soon. This other girl named Emily. She seems nice and upbeat. Maybe I should ask her out. She called herself ugly and said her boobs were small. Anyone who can admit their flaws is actually pretty cool to me. She isn't ugly either. Infact, with the way my mind is putting up with all the stress from the last several years. I gotta say im ugly HAHAHAHA!

Maybe this whole Meme Show is just stress release.

My feelings changed. Mario can't focus much because of my disfocus on my own love life.

It hurts him as much as it hurts me. I hate myself because of that I don't have enough heart to make other understand that in order to reach a secure life is to live it based on even the deepest emotion. This has caused me great loss. If I look back at every relationship I had. I knew 2 of them seemed secure. I was happy with both.

Lately, I been allowing Mario(My other personality) to physical talk in a different tone and have normal conversations with him. Its like I have a "Twin Soul". I was always afraid of him because he would harm anyone that harmed me emotionally or physically. I just didn't care and locked him away.

 I sound quite Insane. Fact is I am not.

 He has a slightly deeper voice then mine. Its kinda creepy.

He kinda reminds me of Emily. Just like how my heart is like Bridgets.

Its hard to understand someone like me, after all. I created those meme videos together with mario.

Hi guys as usual. Mario here(for the next 11 months, so deal with it).

A 3 part special here this month folks!

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xbox and youtube complications

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I got comm banned on xbox live and the microsoft staff said that I called and I fuckin quote "Alot of people faggots" when it was just my one friend and I was joking with him. So I went about trolling the fucking hell over the phone and xbox forums and they caved in and raged to me over the phone. It was great and they "banned" my live account. I unban myself and I go on back to the forums and shout out in multiple post as to

"Y I UNBANZ?"

 Banned again. Lol. Unbanned myself and went back on xbox. Fun shit.

Now on YouTube, I actually got a strike for trolling a fanboy of mine who kept coming back with alts till I figured out what his IP was and basically just blocked everything the guy had. I told him JUST THIS and I swear I quote   "Stop being such a newfag, follow the rules on my videos, or gtfo." He didn't follow the rules so I got a community guidelines strike for trolling. Anothr strike for copyright involving sony japan music group takedown for a nintendo zelda related video of mine because the fuckin song was playing in the background.

Bullshit. Lol.

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Moar bullshit about my ex or- I mean christopher's fuckin ex.

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In other news. I sat down enjoyed my day at the mall. She walked toward us, I make a hand sign to tell her to turn the fuck around and yell "turn around" all she could do is talk more shit and bite her lip. I shout as she walked away "Get away from me! You come near me again you cheating skank I'll go to the police and end your shit!"

You know chris, I can see why you two got along now for awhile. Your both needy,spiteful, and arrogant that cheat on each other in a never ending cycle until both realize just how stupid the other is....

End of the world didn't happen.... I wish it did actually. Maybe a wave that made everyone forget and put people back with the people they enjoyed. Although that was a false thought. My manager has been fired and replaced by some fat midget bimbo who is completely hopeless. Not much I can do there. As for my... ex... If I still cared which I no longer do. Is still angry that I left her by choice 3 years ago....

It took me awhile, but I finally decided. Luigi, my bother was right....... He was in the same boat like me. His ex was threatened to be disowned by her family. I was told that they only end up not living a good life because they don't have an opinion of their own....  I see what he meant now.

 Its a hard decision both me and mario have to decide.  All she does is pushes me away and talks shit about me behind my back after I spoke to her. Which she refuses to speak to me and made claims that I argued when I simply asked how her brother was doing.

 Luigi understands this pain, but since he's a older then me by a year..... Maybe because he lives in a boring town that hes able to forget it, but me... living here in this exhausting town..... Nothing ends. Just blood fog at night  and bright grey skys in the middle of the day...

 Its upsetting...

"When you learn and achieve everything, life is dull" Its not dull. Its alone. Life is Alone.

I tried to convince myself. So very hard. She did not understand my feelings. So. I give up.

I spoke with myself during meditation.

 Me(chris, A loner and guard) and Mario(Alt version of me, Creative and Wise)

 I talked alot with him. His idea was to just draw emily into a physical fight and allow her to just harm us until she just forgot about the past, but that wouldn't work. Shes too gentle. I know that for a fact.

My Idea was to just talk it out, but she'd rather talk crap about me behind my back. So I gave up.

 Forever.

I sealed my own personality into my bracelet. Only coming out for a bit. Anyway this is where I'll let mario type now what he thinks.

I think he thinks too damn much and takes the long road to nothing. Why sit back and let other harm his heart and bitch about it just like the girl does. Shes got an ugly personality and acts just like you, chris.

Don't you get it? Just like that vince kid said, she'll only ruin her own self till she knows her hate for you is pointless. Just stay there. As part of our new years resolution. Each year we switch. This...

IS THE START OF A WONDERFUL CANVAS! ehehehkrkrrr uhahah aha hhA HAHAH HA HAH HAHHA!

Damn its been awhile since I been here...

With having a job and all I just don't have the time. Sad part is im about to work TWO jobs and be exhausted for the next 3 months...

I have finally finished my super computer. Although not my dream computer... its fuckin awesome as all hell...

Anyway... People who shun others against their own fake lies and hide behind them for a long time and then want to tell the truth, but the people they hide behind are the people the liar is then afraid of telling the truth to because they want to see the shunned once more....

 ... those poeple piss me off... Get a will to fight for what your true heart wants and speak up.

You only live once. Most hermits enjoy the life of solitude. I once enjoyed a life with another person, but she dread her family and friends over understanding & ignorance.

 All this petty quarreling is over something from years ago. Why just forget it?

I'd like to, it was my mistake. I had to abandon her for short bits here and there because of my abilities. I then found out someone was watching my online activities. I could no longer afford to send messages online. I had to write a book with as much stuff as possible with a hidden message of how I truly feeled and give it to her...                                                                                           I was caught by the police cheif of the state of NJ and a FBI agent.... Good thing they can't read green text. Fools.

The future me never left herside, the past me had to without a choice.

I could almost say that the last few days have felt nice. Weather is nice, No boring white sky, I mean its like whoever created this world is asking me to just.. relax. I've been stressed about alot of things for a very long time. I don't feel burdened right now. If I never had anything to do I'd always told myself to find something to do and not sleep. This is a great feeling.

 I'm sure she feels the same. The only exception she has school and I have work.

I don't think I've ever hated emily. or anything right now. She may not want me right now, but im sure theres still feelings that she has for me even if she denys them to herself.

I love emily.

I can't bring myself to allow her to not forgiven herself and feel miserable.

Moving on isn't whats going to help her, because I want to be by her side. You can't feel miserable if you are honest with yourself and ignore others.

The future doesn't scare me. I was shunned for my knowledge. Back then when me and her were first dating, I wanted to be more open minded like a normal human. I was foolish then,I should have known my knowledge over many things would cause me to be shunned even by her. I won't stop caring until this is resolved. When I was forced to hack again, I wasn't to see anyone. I didn't want emily to forget me. I wrote a notebook, I didn't care about the secret police or anything. 

They had told me it had contained threats. I had written no such thing. I love her to my end.

What makes me wonder is this, if anonymous wants me to hack. They follow me around where I go. A boy named Anthony saw them searching for me.

Emily's family wants the truth, the fact of the matter is i'm not authorized by law to say anything as it could be high treason. Now they want to hear it fron anythony when I mentioned his name. By nature, it seems curiousness gives knowledge, which knowledge leads to power, power leads to fear, fear makes you shunned, and then you must choose where you should fall. As a pawn used by others with no reward, or leader them with hopelessness in mind? 

A curious conscious is extremely dangerous if thats the case.

I may have been strange back then, but I grew up on /b/. I learned EVERYTHING from there. 

Now, I laugh at the unknowing for shunning of said karma upon the next curious mind.

I'll write another of these soon. As for my blood pressure, its shown improvement after some traveling. 

My nightmares have been increasing more often, though I wouldn't jump the gun and say that they are nightmares... more like... uh.. visions. When I was in elementary school when I was around... uh.. I don't fuckin know... 7 or 8 years old. I always seemed to want to have someone at my side for my future.

I wanted someone to love that I had to go out of my way to help. I would remember hearing the song "Friends Forever" when I've never knew the title or heard the song before. The dream always started with me waking up in my own bed scared and half of my body covered in some black gas'y stuff. I had no control over that side of my body. I would go downstair and see my whole family. Each one would fade away as I walked out the front door there would be a meadow with a single tree surrounded by flowers. At the end was a little girl dressed in a white full body gown with blonde hair, but every time I reached the tree she was drawing or writing something in a book and the book covered her face. The dreams ends the moment I approach her. I would have that dream atleast once every 3-6 days for a few years.

The side of my body that was covered in that black stuff would be numb when I wake up...

It bugged me alot, I never spoke of it. I tried to once talk to the girl when I got to her.

I ask who she was and she wouldn't answer with a full sentence. Only a single word each time.

Over the summer of my freshman year, I saw her a final time. She removed the book in front of her face. I didn't know her. She told me to follow her to "The Gate" 

I don't know what the girl mean by "The Gate", but I'm certain of one thing. she looked exactly like emily before I met her. I already knew emily before she took a liking to me. Its strange that im able to say that. It scared me. I've always had the closest possible deduction of what would happen with things. 

Forgiveness has no price. Only effort. I wish everything was like before. Except when I wasn't involved with them... She would still be at my side. Nothing is like before.

"In order to live a good life, everything you do should be based on your emotions."

I  can't have a future?

Am I evil?

More or less am I afraid of dying? 

Do I have doubts?

Ending my life would open doors for others wouldn't it?

A tormented past cannot win against a fake peace of the future can it?

Don't I have a say in how I can change things?                                                                          

If I am hated, then I shall melt away the hatred.

As retribution and atonement for the peoples lives and futures that I may have changed for better or worse. This is my rite as the man that swore to never steal information ever again.

I just want a future with someone at my side doing whatever the please.

Why don't people learn about their greed?

"why can't I go!"

"I need money to get that!"

"how cheap that jerk is!"

People like that don't deserve to live. Unlike me, I've never once asked my family for anything.

Raye has asked me to break up with her after I explained to her my past.

She said that if Emily is the one causing me pain, then going on without her and having her do what she does to you isn't right and if it isn't right then I'm not right for letting her do it.

Its not that I let emily do/say those things, I just thought that she was too peaceful to do it.

She said that the things I did to try to have her locked up were all wrong of me to do, but to confront her family and tell them to get her to seek help was wise and just let time past when she sees her errors.

I almost cried for the first time in 5 years.

The last time I cried was when me and emily had kissed. I wanted her by my side. She had a brave heart and an open mind then.  I didn't want it to end. I was willing to gain knowledge and power so she wouldn't leave me ever. When I finally did...

I was betrayed. Hated and Shunned. I made an apprentice by the name of luigi, he knows that I'm at my end in terms of BPL affecting my heart. The man who taught me once told me "If you don't die, don't die in a bed like me. It sucks ass. If you suicide. Don't. Let the person 'who hates you the most' end your life. If your being attacked, You don't let them get you. If protect something, You counter the attacker, and when you attack, Leave not a single trace....." 

 I think I get it now. The person who hates me the most.. but why does it have to be her... and who do I protect?

Do I feel like I am betraying?

No...

I was messed with, people distrusted my abilities, and all stopped believing in me.            When I was to see her again, I was betrayed more. I told myself that she could put it behind her. Not move on, but in a way were she would be willing to let others know. Do people deserve to know or do they pretend not to understand and know to begin with?

A much older woman at work who is 7 years older then I am at work asked me If I wanted to see a movie with her and after being harassed childishly by a little kid with no charisma or backbone to power. I decided to take the girl up on her offer out of boredom. I actually like her a bit. Raye is very attractive, wise, and more mature then emily.

I took her out to dinner at red lobster and low and behold shes a computer nut like me.

I'm not calling myself nerdy or her nerdy, I was just caught off guard as to how much she knows about Anonymous. My friend Hunter saw me and her together. I didn't want him to mention her to emily, because I know she'll act "childish" its the first thing a sociopath does.

They attack the past then torment the future. Emily and I may have said "I love you" to each other from the most honest part of our hearts, but thats changed.

 Raye knows everything about her now.

Money and Fun is not worth being unloved. Greedy Sociopath.

 Raye, I love you. :) 

I can't say that I miss being with someone. I have remember I was betrayed. The future only turns for honest people, but what of those of the dishonest that you can't help? Sure I always thought you could help those people when I was younger. 

 Now I see the dishonest as trash. Undeserving of having the ability to enjoy life. Why should we imprison the dishonest to make them more dangerous?

When I heard about the Colorado Batman murders in the movies, my first thought wasn't "why?..." It was more or least "I don't want to hear about the struggles of the selfish"

Maybe I have become evil as I've gotten older. I don't think I'm selfish. I did when I felt as though I made a mistake with emily by turning her into a sociopath overtime. Maybe from how she was back when I met her we were both sociopaths. I know for a fact that I am one. I had been on medication for a decade from 4 to age 14.

I was on blood pressure pills, ADHD pills,and had some issues with my heart rate and breathing.

My old man has the same deal...

I was told that I didn't need the medicine no more, So theres really no point to even caring...... Even though I am a sociopath that considers not giving a damn about the problems of others, why do I care about Emilys actions? Its not like I love her anymore. I can let go whenever. Do I feel if I can get her some kind of psychiatric help that she may realize her mistakes with me and others and the reasons as to why I had become a hacker or had to work for "them" online and that maybe she would come back to me?

She doesn't believe I can hack computers... Whenever I asked her about why we couldn't be together she just told me "we can't" I ask "why" replied with " Because everyone hates you"

"Then why don't you tell them the truth about you lying to them all that I never beat you to the ground, raped you, and got you pregnant" 

Life only becomes difficult when you don't tell anyone the truth. I love memes because in a way, they are a way of life and understanding. (Even though none of em make sense at first)

I can say that I'm sick of having the ability to understand people, I was betrayed by the person I loved that couldn't wait for me. She waited 3 months and was with someone else. After getting caught up with secret police and having to work for them who could blame me?

 I went to her house with my friend who understood the situation to speak to her mother and father. Me and her father, both within punching distance. I told them about how shes been going around lying that I beat her to the ground, raped her, and got her pregnant. I told them I want her to seek psychiatric help for being a sociopath and that I could go to the police and sue her for false indictment. 

Some of her exs that im friends with, each of them say that I was crazy and can't believe I had the balls to do that. I only told them, that if she comes near me. I go straight to the police. I don't want to speak to the trashy gold digging for fun emily that I see. I want the old and kind and joyful emily that I knew. Even though I was marked the criminal by all. I was still the good guy the entire time.

Do I feel as though I won? When I walked out of her house.... yes... only a lil...

A female coworker of mine is inviting me to see a movie and go to the mall with me next week. I think this will be good for me. The girl, even though she has a mental issue. HEr mind is very open and she is self aware of memes, but doesn't know what they are.

Am I moving on from emily? No. She will realize her mistakes and come back to me on her own like she always has. Interupting and harming the relationship of any person I love.

I can't love anyone but her. Its a good thing this girl is 27 years old. I wanted to date an older woman. I've told her about emily. Her first comment was "what is she some kind vampire biting your arm? she seriously sounds like trouble. You should try suing her for that, but do it in your own way."  If shes older then me by almost a decade.... would the 30 year old me say something like that?

July hasn't been that bad... between getting a "weight off my chest" It won't come to shock me as in a couple days I shall go to the police and she'll finally leave me alone.

 I also started smoking, no idea why... I guess I just gave up trying to understand others.

Hopefully she chooses to be mentally institutionalized instead of imprisonment. 5 years ago I was alone, I sat alone, I even sensed being alone. I can't really say I liked being alone. My friends never liked me because I was a hacker for 6 years at that time. Back then was around the time I decided that I should have given up trying to search for a couple pieces of information. Anyway, I was a member of anonymous. One day a somewhat ugly girl approached me at lunch in high school. I was introduced and fallen in love with the girl who wanted to ask me out that day.

I loved her then, I still love her now. My problem was she was harming me and others for her own gain and I stop speaking to her. I felt that until I could figure her out, she would learn that she could not have me and tell me what her problem was.

I lost track of the story, sorry about that. Back then I enjoyed the time I had to myself.

When I met her, my youtube account "mario4356" was created at the end of my freshmen term. I met her the beginning of my sophomore year.

Her shyness toward me at that time was something I was missing my whole life.

It wasnt something new that I wanted to try, I am a dedicated person. If I had said no, I think her friend missi would have never been jealous of her. Her friend missi is a very ugly person in terms of personality which is why I dont like her at all....  she tried to get me to kiss her and have sex with her while I was dating emily, I declined and stated no. Then she tried to get me and anthony to fight.

I hate people who can't take no...

 All I told her .. "I'm going somewhere for awhile... I'll be back in a year or so... can you wait for me "m"?"

I never saw her for a year, even though she was under the covers of my bed staring at me standing up and looking at her while I was upset, she knew she was the cause of it... I honestly didn't want her to know because she'd hate me for it. The end of 2010 and in the summer of 2011...

 She was dating another person.. upon my return I realized that I had to cut my hair to because I needed a job, so she wouldn't notice me. My hair was down to my belly-button before it was cut so I doubt she would know it was me.

 I walked into spencers at my local mall and low and behold she saw me and gasped not knowing it was me for a second. I grew up alot in 2010....... 

 I felt terrible when I returned, I never took in how alone she felt. All of 2010 I thought about her and said her name outloud to myself every day hoping she could hear me calling for her.

Her sociopathic mind harmed anthony(the one whom she was dating) by telling him I beat her to the ground and rape her. I told him that none of that was true. HE knew something was wrong with her so he told me he would break up with her.

A week later she came 10 miles from home to see me and we talked a bit, made out, she thought that entire time I wanted her for her body, shes wrong.